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from The Power of Ignorance
Tools
There are many ways of ridding yourself of unwanted knowledge.
Keep in mind the unused portion of the brain is plentiful,
and there’s ample room in there for everything you don’t
want to think about. But how can you get it there? Here are
my suggestions:
1. Alcohol—This
magical substance decreases what you know with every gulp.
Have you ever woken up after a night of serious drinking and
not remembered what you were up to after a certain point the
night before? Have you ever been regaled with tales of your
own drunken adventures, without having them ring the slightest
bell? Consistent use of alcohol can make this an everyday
experience. In fact after a certain point your whole past
will be nothing but a great big happy blur. And all the aching,
moaning and vomiting in the mornings will prevent you from
thinking about anything then either.
2. Drugs—Why
dwell on all of the miserable failures that you call your
life? With the right drugs you can instead be captivated for
hours and hours by the appearance of your hand. Ordinary objects
or figures of speech become unbelievably funny. An otherwise
unremarkable piece of music can envelop your consciousness
altogether. While living in the magical fairyland that only
you can see, you needn’t think about a single thing.
Even if you wanted to think—good luck! An erasing mechanism
very similar to the lapping and retreating surf will regularly
give you a clean slate upon which to ponder complete nonsense.
3. Constant Distraction—Do
you know how a child (or even an adult!) will prevent themselves
from being told something they don’t want to hear by
plugging their ears, closing their eyes and singing a nonsense
song? Technology allows us (encourages us!) to make this our
natural state. Why think when there are pretty flickering
lights you could be looking at, driving rhythms to listen
to at high volume and aliens to be killed with the maniacal
pressing of a bunch of buttons? Twenty-four hours a day, too.
If this isn’t enough, get a job. Join a few committees.
Follow celebrity gossip. Have kids.
4. Smacking Solid
Objects With Your Head—This method is tremendously effective.
Of course you may be knocked insensible, and this is should
be considered a prized state. Have you ever seen an unconscious
person? There’s a peaceful look on their face you won’t
find anywhere else. And remember, unconscious means “not
thinking.” Even once they wake up there’s a prolonged
period of disorientation before they remember where they are,
who they are, and why they’re lying on the floor.
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